Disappointed

I searched the web over the weekend to find a contact for an old friend of my brother's. I thought for sure that I'd found him, but he's not responded to my email. I guess there's always the possibility that it got caught in spam or he simply hasn't gotten around to replying. Or maybe he just doesn't want to go back there.

I've decided I have to build a timeline, not so much for telling the story of his life in a linear fashion, but just so that I can talk around the pictures in my mind. V had mentioned Solaris as an example of where the protagonist struggles with whether his memories are true of his wife -- so much of what I remember now is purely in my head and as old as I was when he passed away. But another theme which obsessed me today was whether people attract their fate by virtue of their make-up or their early life experiences, or whether fate simply deals some people better hands than others.

All day long I kept thinking it might be the former -- how else can you explain that my most positive friends have the most fulfilled personal, professional and family lives. That said, all my most interesting, deep-thinking and probably most intellectual friends do not. It's not about THINGS...it's about how happy they are with their own lives, how they fit in the world, how the world fits them.

I guess I'll just have to toy with that catnip for awhile...